12 Steps to Prepare for the Sailing Season 

To best prepare yourself try these quick exercises:

1.  Buy a case of beer, sit with it in a very warm place for a few
hours, then drink it.

2.  Apply sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun
lamp for 2 hours

3.  Sit on a bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs,
stare straight up into the sun for 2 hours - for a more robust workout:
invite 4 friends to come over and yell at you the whole time

4.  Go out and get very drunk, sleep 4 hours, then stand on a rocking
chair for 6 hours

5.  Go to bank and withdraw $1,000 - then light it on fire

6.  Sit in front of a commercial fan and have someone throw large
buckets of salt water on you

7.  Repeat number 6 in jeans and a sweatshirt  AND/OR repeat number 6
with head turned sideways to ensure water lodging fully into ear drum

8.  Cut limb off off nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on rocking
chair with tree limb and ropes - hold them over your head for 3 hours...
at 5 minute intervals drop on your head - more robust version: have
friends yell at you in 6 minute intervals

9.  Set your wrist watch to 5-minute repeating counts... let it go off
all day long

10.  Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now
alternate between sitting and running around bent over

11.  Tie ropes between 2 trees - push your body against them as hard as
you can for 6 consecutive hours - don't stop for pain or bruising

12.  Place sandpaper on your stairs, crawl up and down on your knees for
several hours

13.  Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them into
a bread bag - eat one a day for 12 consecutive days... make sure the
last one is peanut butter and jelly if preparing for Race Week

14.  Tie ropes to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but
allow! rope to slip through fingers as car drives away - TIP:  works
best with nylon fiber ropes, lengths in excess of 50'

15.  Upon completion of previous 14 drills - sit down and drink 14 Mt
Gay rum drinks, any flavor